Every day [sex]-ism

Everyday sexism

Sex-fantasy objectivism operates as private association (or mutual reinforcement of fantasy associations) which is inherently at the expense of and in fear and withdrawal from, an actual intimacy of relation-ship or communication.

Disassociated and split persona operate as if they were 'free' to fulfil a sense of inadequacy and lack by getting from others what their fantasy symbolizes to them.

Paradise seeking stems from the sense of an Innocence of true embrace lost, but in negatively defined self MUST seek outside itself - for a fearfully defined sense of self proceeds on the basis of being NOT love, of NOT deserving love, or NOT being safe to open to love. And all of its attempts to regain a sense of connection externally via masked and wishful strategies of persuasion and coercion bring about the failure to love or communicate or be adequate to a situation or relationship and thus reinforce the foundational belief of unworthiness to love.

Likewise the negatively defined self wants and seeks to be validated by others and moulds itself in social adaptation to fit in with what it hopes or believes will win approval and acceptance ... or at least protect against being judged against and rejected. In focusing and identifying in the persona as if this was one's self and life, one interprets the actions of others so as to support and reinforce one's script - even when the experiences themselves are negative.

Other-ism can take any and every form because it is the choice to see the form based meanings that our personal and social definitions accepts as reality, INSTEAD of living the relationship that is actually present. INSTEAD of living from the integrity of a positively defined sense of self. The willingness to reintegrate from the masked or split self-sense shifts from an exclusive focus on the 'me' of one's personality structure, to the revealed relationship that is energetically unfolding.

Whereas the persona-based self operates within a surface reality dictated by thoughts, the actual relationship includes the observation of one's thoughts and the capacity to accept or not accept thought that otherwise runs like a programme of conditioned reactions. A negatively defined sense of self works as a hidden agenda; a covert operation, a fear-protected sense of specialness that inherently blanks or judges others and uses then strategically and presumes the same mind at work in others. There is no love in the kill or be killed mentality and universe - but there is the cultivation of coercive masks and behaviours that pass off as love and thus provide advantage or protection not only for secret sense of a persona under threat, but for a society that hides together in darkness.

To be true to oneself is to align with the love that you are - regardless that one may not feel or perceive this way while still entangled in the masking persona of attempt to substitute love - as if what Innocence once freely shared now must be manually applied or maintained or protected.

Innocence is lost to our awareness when we shift into the protective and socially adapting mask of our personae. But it is only covered over and distracted from by the addictive engagement with the private thinking beneath the mask.

Much of our thought runs unconscious and is part of what aligns our experiences and colours and patterns our relationships and communications.

Willingness to uncover the core curiosity of our being is of that spark of Innocence that can be covered over but never truly lost. Guilt, fear, blame and shame all conspire to 'protect' what seems to be a residual relative innocence amidst an otherwise overwhelming chaos of conflicted self-sense - or experience.

Responsibility is not about blame - at all - but is uncovering the grounding truth that OF ITSELF embraces and supports you in being and doing and relating and communicating what and who you are as a living presence.

One CAN call for correction from a sense of self that is itself willing to allign truly - and this is entirely different in feel and in frequency and in effect from the call for vengeance - no matter how disguised it may be in the strategies and mores of the social masks of self-righteousness.

Bringing one's experience into the light of a present awareness, and into the arena of a shared sense of value, will serve to heal it of distortions and misperceptions unless the revealed insights are simply repurposed to reinforce a subtler and more sophisticated mask OF self-righteousness.

'Self-wrongteousness' used to be called sin; a sense of lack, inadequacy, powerlessness, self-conflicting division and dis-ease that operates as meanspirited and loveless thinking that seems like an 'evil will' which not only cares nothing for others - it cares not for anything except its self - as it defines itself to be, and in your name.

The sense of dissonance from which all such self-conflicting confusion arises is not escaped by such strategies - but only disguised. When one's experience no longer serves as the hiding place from which to wield power or shield from those wielding power, there can be the noticing of qualities present that are not actually part of the drama. A light can stir in the mind that was dark. True questions and answers flow in place of a managed confusion spinnning ever more deceit and inevitable defeat.

Trying to be and do what we alone are never conceived or designed to be and do is a futility. The key is the word alone - for one is never alone in the way fear-thinking has come to assert and experience. Relationship and communication are the very core nature of our awareness, our existence, our consciousness, feeling, thought, word and deed. Learning to listen instead of reacting, allows a capacity of choosing to grow in place of a sense of victimhood. Use everything without exception as a means to realign and reintegrate you with You... or persist in a sense of self-exceptionalism that seesaws in futile attempts to deny, fight, overcome or eradicate a negative that does not manifest without serving You in some way on some level, known or unknown.

What we resist, persists. Hanging in there with your integrity - and therefore with Life's Integrity is not a fight against evil, but a persistent sense of faithfulness to what you know or have the faith of willingness to know, as the truth of your desire.

Rape, rage and protection

Reading comments on a page about anti rape underwear prompted these thoughts.


Coercion, fear, manipulation, loss, guilt, hatred,vengeance, bitterness, isolation, powerlessness, dependency.

These bedfellows belong together, and appear in all kinds of experience.
War on terror in any guise is bankrolled by vengeance and fearful self protection.
Where there is a demand there is a market opportunity to serve a perceived need - but it can reinforce the perception. Some marketeers have been known to cultivate demand - as a study of marketing and PR would reveal, but a compassionate society would hold a proportionate sense of what serves health and healing and what works against it.

Sexualisation is objectifying, but a body is not an object or plaything to be taken out of living context, but is a communication of intimate presence and worthy of honour.
What the mind of humanity can interpose upon our true nature is limited by social mores and laws - but the real law is to uncover our true nature. Sometimes we uncover such hatred, fear and shame in our own mind as a result of events that violate our sense of reality - that they move us to uncover our Integrity at a much deeper level.

There is no real justification for loveless use of another, but there is a real basis for honouring love's presence as the correction of such insanity.
A loveless society normalizes its manipulative gratifications in all sorts of areas of fantasy. The line between fantasy and reality is frequently blurred in media manipulations. The propagation of a negative self definition feeds the dependency on unreal associations. The orientation to and depiction of the feminine in society is a mark of its consciousness of self worth - in my opinion.

I personally do not appeal to guilt to manipulate my consciousness nor that of others. I feel that guilt is the engine of all lovelessness. Self-honesty and self love are deep treasures that no one, NO ONE can take away. I believe that most all of us carry unconscious negative core beliefs that 'sabotage' our lives and that we are all much more interconnected than we consciously realize.

Worshipping (and getting lost in) image

The practice of using others (and Life), for one's private fantasy purposes is ubiquitous in every aspect of life and generally is socially invisible. It is a part of human consciousness that judges and plays out privately held meaning upon others, and the world, either in a mutual trade, or by coercion of a manipulative intent.

To give priority to fantasy over truth, is to disregard truth and to be out of true. This is the same as disregarding the heart in which a real relationship or communication extends the true or innate qualities of being into life. It is always a dissonant experience and any relief is alsways momentary. It is not at peace in itself except when emptied of desire - but desire is an expression of being alive, though the desire of addiction is to suppress or escape the conflicted meaninglessness of a life out of true, in thought and action.

To gain the world is to lose our Soul. This is simply self evident but not while the empty promise of the world is given priority. Stimulation is an attempted substitute for life that hollows out and reduces life to surface forms. This can be readily observed. The seeming freedom and hit of getting private satisfaction - even amidst consenting trade or contract is simply feeding an addictive nature that puts fulfillment in externals instead of abiding in a wholeness that gives itself wholly in love. In love we are undefended to our own being and so our being communicates itself wholly and without coercion. Love contains within itself the guidance to freely release what is not real and embrace the moment wholly. No image can be made of love and no rules can be made for love. This is what we forget.

Moralizing is a kind of attempt to control - and is also a fantasy practice in attempt to control with guilt. Guilt always undermines and blocks any true expression of life - but the insidious nature of hidden guilt means that it maintains a fantasy of freedom from guilt within the illusion of a private self will. This 'hidden' will is an act by which we seem to live separate and special - whether seeming to prevail or to be acted upon. The attempt to act this out without guilt is simply the fuelling of the fire. Guitlessness is not self-wilful, but is of an innocence of being. In all things we can learn to discern where we are coming from and so can see the nature of private thinking or fantasy at work in our own experience and evaluate its fruit. Until we see it, it runs as a mechanical identification with forms - and a dream of a life is allowed to usurp a true love.

Children grow up addicted to online porn sites

There are degrees of porn - but the net is rampant with hard porn. It has gross aspects - and also absurd meaningless aspects. An emptying ritual. Somewhere in consciousness is an echo of paradise in sexual delight - and yet a sense of paradise lost or denied can lead to addictive attempts to cover over pain of lovelessness, of loneliness.

There is a curiosity in things that are taboo, but this can lead to look again, and again - if you have nothing better to do.

Use of bodies and images of bodies to enact private fantasies is not thought to be hazardous and saturates society on many levels, and is encouraged and even considered healthy in some contexts.

But those who discern its hazard are those who are in a truly loving relationship, because love overlooks form, and yet shares paradise.

The mind that disallows or denies love from its own awareness is sick, but does not know it is sick. It tends to protect its sickness. Yet we do know - but our mind binds and blinds us.

Lovelessness and pornography

Lovelessness - asserts it freedoms to abuse, exploit and worship fantasies upon life, upon others upon ones own body - as a substitute for real relationship - which it knows nothing of - and fears. It knows not an honouring, trust-growing, undefended, and loving relationship and lives out a distorted fantasy life in secret.


Sexual loving is a beautiful language of being. Our bodies are wonderful communicators of loving presence - as we allow ourselves to let go of strategic self interest - getting something or getting away from something - and discover ourselves caring, playing, and holding each other. Oneness is not a climax - it is the very ground of our being - shared. There is so much more to life than what we think we know - and that is experienced a wonder, beauty and a glorious quality of being - of a communioned life.


Lovelessness is a disconnected sense of self-lack in isolation that restlessly seeks stimulating distraction in order to feel alive - and thus deadens itself and calls it 'satisfaction'. It then ups the stakes in order to get a hit or becomes addicted to reenacting empty rituals. Fantasy life that fucks up the capacity to look beyond outer forms and discover the truly wondrous nature of love - because a society that has become fearful has turned its back on love and instead seeks selfishly to grasp at whatever offers makes its pain subside - and hates to open to a light of a shared awareness. It hates to love - and loves to hate.


By being available outside a cultural context of relationship, pornography becomes culturally acceptable currency. Women have their labia cut to look like the girls in the porn. College kids emulating the porn scenarios that are purveyed as if women are dirty slut bitches and fit only to fist, fuck and cum all over as if that were a gift!


When does playing in - and exploring boundaries become the deception and abduction or coercion of sex slaves? Is it when we care more about maintaining our own fantasies than letting the truth of another - or of our self - interfere?


I am writing here because there is a much larger conversation about our sexuality, than socially induced consumerism, that extends a 'culture' of exploitation, manipulation, and usury - and calls it freedom. It is not talked openly - but referred to in comic tones - that let a sort of slapstick, gloss over and sanitize it as a 'bit o'fun'.


Now if a demeaning and malicious lie about you is propagated as if it were truth - you would not subscribe to it - nor would you nurture it - nor would you defend its right to be equal to the truth. Instead you would subscribe to that which promotes appreciation of truth, and invest your care and value in it. You might struggle long to come to your senses though as the cultural pressures suggest that its ok to fuck yourself up - or indeed anyone else - because we are free of outdated and phoney moral sensibilities - and "We are all individuals".


Distractions that serve to cover the dissonance of human life do not really give freedom - they bring hollow emptiness and addiction. However, with those whose full intent is to wilfully assert themselves as they are not - and declare themselves self-content - it is vain to argue. Life is a teaching - learning adventure - and we are free to learn through pain as well as joy. Forgiveness is a real release from guilt when one is willing to accept and share it. No one is damned but by their own refusal.


What we demonstrate in our lives - is the culture that we share - particularly to those who we welcome into the world and pass on the ways we know. All are free to learn according to their own heart's guidance - no matter what experiences we have - we ultimately choose the meaning it has for us.


But the Meaning that is uncovered that truly serves us all is not one of dressing up in the dark so as to play out our own psychodrama - but of a genuine kindness, care and attention.


I see the raising of the curtains of a false privacy as the disclosure to ourselves of ourselves - and this IS a real opportunity. Because amidst our self spun script of a life we act out as if it were real - and discover perhaps a lot later - that we chose against our own heart's desire.


There may be a lot of money in selling porn - but there is only an undermining of commonwealth. Is there a place for it? Of course there is - but if it is not kept in its place it usurps ... the capacity of Soul to feel and know life directly.


Thanks for your attention