Sex-fantasy objectivism operates as private association (or mutual reinforcement of fantasy associations) which is inherently at the expense of and in fear and withdrawal from, an actual intimacy of relation-ship or communication.
Disassociated and split persona operate as if they were 'free' to fulfil a sense of inadequacy and lack by getting from others what their fantasy symbolizes to them.
Paradise seeking stems from the sense of an Innocence of true embrace lost, but in negatively defined self MUST seek outside itself - for a fearfully defined sense of self proceeds on the basis of being NOT love, of NOT deserving love, or NOT being safe to open to love. And all of its attempts to regain a sense of connection externally via masked and wishful strategies of persuasion and coercion bring about the failure to love or communicate or be adequate to a situation or relationship and thus reinforce the foundational belief of unworthiness to love.
Likewise the negatively defined self wants and seeks to be validated by others and moulds itself in social adaptation to fit in with what it hopes or believes will win approval and acceptance ... or at least protect against being judged against and rejected. In focusing and identifying in the persona as if this was one's self and life, one interprets the actions of others so as to support and reinforce one's script - even when the experiences themselves are negative.
Other-ism can take any and every form because it is the choice to see the form based meanings that our personal and social definitions accepts as reality, INSTEAD of living the relationship that is actually present. INSTEAD of living from the integrity of a positively defined sense of self. The willingness to reintegrate from the masked or split self-sense shifts from an exclusive focus on the 'me' of one's personality structure, to the revealed relationship that is energetically unfolding.
Whereas the persona-based self operates within a surface reality dictated by thoughts, the actual relationship includes the observation of one's thoughts and the capacity to accept or not accept thought that otherwise runs like a programme of conditioned reactions. A negatively defined sense of self works as a hidden agenda; a covert operation, a fear-protected sense of specialness that inherently blanks or judges others and uses then strategically and presumes the same mind at work in others. There is no love in the kill or be killed mentality and universe - but there is the cultivation of coercive masks and behaviours that pass off as love and thus provide advantage or protection not only for secret sense of a persona under threat, but for a society that hides together in darkness.
To be true to oneself is to align with the love that you are - regardless that one may not feel or perceive this way while still entangled in the masking persona of attempt to substitute love - as if what Innocence once freely shared now must be manually applied or maintained or protected.
Innocence is lost to our awareness when we shift into the protective and socially adapting mask of our personae. But it is only covered over and distracted from by the addictive engagement with the private thinking beneath the mask.
Much of our thought runs unconscious and is part of what aligns our experiences and colours and patterns our relationships and communications.
Willingness to uncover the core curiosity of our being is of that spark of Innocence that can be covered over but never truly lost. Guilt, fear, blame and shame all conspire to 'protect' what seems to be a residual relative innocence amidst an otherwise overwhelming chaos of conflicted self-sense - or experience.
Responsibility is not about blame - at all - but is uncovering the grounding truth that OF ITSELF embraces and supports you in being and doing and relating and communicating what and who you are as a living presence.
One CAN call for correction from a sense of self that is itself willing to allign truly - and this is entirely different in feel and in frequency and in effect from the call for vengeance - no matter how disguised it may be in the strategies and mores of the social masks of self-righteousness.
Bringing one's experience into the light of a present awareness, and into the arena of a shared sense of value, will serve to heal it of distortions and misperceptions unless the revealed insights are simply repurposed to reinforce a subtler and more sophisticated mask OF self-righteousness.
'Self-wrongteousness' used to be called sin; a sense of lack, inadequacy, powerlessness, self-conflicting division and dis-ease that operates as meanspirited and loveless thinking that seems like an 'evil will' which not only cares nothing for others - it cares not for anything except its self - as it defines itself to be, and in your name.
The sense of dissonance from which all such self-conflicting confusion arises is not escaped by such strategies - but only disguised. When one's experience no longer serves as the hiding place from which to wield power or shield from those wielding power, there can be the noticing of qualities present that are not actually part of the drama. A light can stir in the mind that was dark. True questions and answers flow in place of a managed confusion spinnning ever more deceit and inevitable defeat.
Trying to be and do what we alone are never conceived or designed to be and do is a futility. The key is the word alone - for one is never alone in the way fear-thinking has come to assert and experience. Relationship and communication are the very core nature of our awareness, our existence, our consciousness, feeling, thought, word and deed. Learning to listen instead of reacting, allows a capacity of choosing to grow in place of a sense of victimhood. Use everything without exception as a means to realign and reintegrate you with You... or persist in a sense of self-exceptionalism that seesaws in futile attempts to deny, fight, overcome or eradicate a negative that does not manifest without serving You in some way on some level, known or unknown.
What we resist, persists. Hanging in there with your integrity - and therefore with Life's Integrity is not a fight against evil, but a persistent sense of faithfulness to what you know or have the faith of willingness to know, as the truth of your desire.