Mutually agreed definitions - albeit often operating tacitly, "make" one's experience of reality - but regardless of who else or how many others reinforce your belief system - and thus what you are capable of receiving and sharing in - it is entirely up to you and not 'THEM' as to what self definitions you accept. Blaming others for what you choose is a trick by which to get something you want - or think you want - without acceptance of conscious responsibility for yourself - and thus operate in 'victim-mode' - which includes attack mode as the prevention of further victimhood.
This 'attack' mind is always predicated AGAINST others unless of course they agree or conform. It is very subtle in its range of deceit so as to largely operate beneath a mask of social acceptability.
Sharing in attack-thinking as if it is genuine currency feeds the power of hate in our personal and collective experience.
Your core definitions start from specific self-defining thoughts that are emotionally imprinted from the earliest conditioning and much of it is designed to hide from conscious awareness of the hateful state of conflicted thought of such separation trauma - while persisting the patterns of such trauma in mitigated or redistributed forms. And this false 'matrix' of self and world definition is defended as if it were your survival and your very self - and so it is very different to challenge the narrative of your own mind thinking, its emotional and physical reinforcers - along with the actual or imagined reactions of others.
One has to put down the weapon in order to open a channel of Communication - for a negatively defined imagination feeds a negative outcome no matter how much it seems to empower or add protection. Waking to a different foundation from which to think, see and live is not a matter of will so much as willingness of opening and allowing. This may seem humiliating to the addiction to power but this moment passes to a deeper acceptance and alignment with a truly Felt Experience - free of coercive guilts and deceits. The habit-mind may interject over and over again but now you know it is a choice - and that it is within you to allow another choice through you. No one can save his or her self alone - because the true of you is always a relational expression of a wholeness that awakens within what seemed to be a polarized fragment of a conflicted contradiction.
Accepting a real relationship is putting down the attack mind - if even for a moment - and through that moment, any willingness serves a realignment within and as the true of You - which cannot be communicated or given to that which attacks and denies it in order to seem a power unto itself.
Don't 'believe' anything - feel within your heart and mind for the true of You - and then step forth AS that with belief that embodies a knowing rather than a disguised set of doubts in search of validation.
Sooner or later the 'Them' who serve as the hate-goats have to be recognized as a role within your own casting consciousness. This recognition releases self-hatred - for even as ye do unto the least or the worst ye do unto your Self. Living from integrity of being because it is integrity of being is not pursuing vengeance - and within integrity it becomes more and more easy to recognize hidden hatred BEFORE it goes forth in your mind, your words and your acts. Everything you accept for yourself you share - at a level the physical mind cannot conceive of or imagine. This places you in charge of your thoughts - for regardless what is attracted to awareness - only that which you validate by reaction is active in your own experience - and as your communication.
Form does NOT define reality - excepting you lock forms into set meanings and WANT them set!
Purpose is the determiner of all things - therefore be sure to know your purpose and abide awake! "They" and indeed the "World" are dead-set on forgetting or undermining true desire by asserting the false in-form-ation. So of course the 'mind' is persistently forgetting - and this is where persistence in remembering true purpose - Just Because - is called for. If you seek to 'do' this to effect and outcome, you still have the effect before the cause. Be who You are first - not in order to get anything or anywhere else. Conflict is difficult. True acceptance is different. You are not an 'attack-mind' because you can observe it and recognize it is not your true vibrational signature.
You can recognize your self and that which is resonant and relevant to You - regardless the disinfo of attack-mind that you set up to keep your heart safe in a loveless world.