Confusion of identity leads to confusion of communication and relationship.
True forgiveness is not a gift to another - but to oneself.
Of course this will extend to others a different version of 'you'.
To love yourself is to let not the past come between you and true appreciation of the Life that both are and share. This may be a process of regaining clarity and releasing baggage, but it supports a discernment of who and where you are in relation to whatever is going on that knows how to be and where to be and NOT be.
A lack of love always seeks to justify itself to others and itself. You do not need a grudge to prefer not to associate with that which does not resonate your true being. Nor is a preference a rejection when you allow the other to be in their own unfolding choices - even if they are not yours.
Political correctness operates a tyranny of rational superficiality - so does 'spiritual correctness'. Rationality divorced from a unified heart and mind is un-Reason and stems FROM grievance. It is hardly the tool to effect your coming back into and appreciation of wholeness.
Listening in the heart is not a superficial insistence of conflicted thinking. Grievance shouts as loud as our willingness to attend it. We can learn a lot about our mind from the events that trigger us to reaction - so as to be more consciously on purpose and less the victim of circumstance.
The sense of personal control does not want to listen to this. But in a greater music a true harmony emerges from playing one's own part truly. This is not coercively appreciated! Be true to you first - and then look out and see others. Otherwise you use what you choose to see in others as the excuse to not live your own life! That is a call for self-forgiveness - or releasing unwanted baggage. Don't put your baggage onto everyone else or you'll 'hate' them all and feel justified, all the while hating yourself unknowing.