Sex is in the spotlight, so let's talk about it properly

Actually it isn't sex that is in the spotlight but sexually inappropriate or or abusive behaviour. I appreciated this article in the Guardian - and my comment is below.
Further down is two other responses to other commenters of the same article.

Thankyou for your article. The mind is full of tricks and is no more interested in honesty and transparency than is any other mode of control, for it can only achieve its trick in the dark. In an unconsciousness.

Manipulative intent is trying to gain power from another - and is an aspect of our mind that can be seen as sinful or perhaps as genetically honest - at least if it succeeds! (That is to say human nature can be believed to be fundamentally predatory. Or that beneath our veneer of pseudo-morality is a BEAST! - that must be forever whipped back under the lid of a 'sanity' forever at war with itself.

I feel that any urge to get from - rather than give and receive in true value - manifests as a distorted conception and perception of what Life truly Is. Of what we truly are as its expression. These cannot really be two distinct things.

The distortion is of a self perpetuating identification with guilt - (which includes worthlessness and inadequacy), and fear, (which includes false presentations, and uses guilt as a means of getting leverage).

We all can easily observe that impulse which seeks to get and have its own experience and uses Life - (others and the natural world) to get it. So we make alliances of mutual agreements and embody tacit conspiracies of a personal self interest. Some of it is conscious and some of that is socially acceptable, but most of it is unconscious programming or conditioning that arises from an experience of a lack of identity.

Power over another, like market forces, tends to balance out in a sort of mutual stalemate. Yet wherever there is opportunity, the seeds of a latent urge to GET, usurp the thinking so as to make justification within itself for what in open and shared awareness, it would find to be without foundation - and self (and other) destructive.

Everybody engages it nearly all the time, but it is invisible. Some kinds of such are openly indulged and others vilified.

Horsemeat is the least of what gets put round in place of value truly shared - but as you note, it is an indicator of a mentality.

The conditioned reaction is a thinking machine - not a man or a woman truly. It gives the notion of freedom to do and to get at cost of a true freedom to Be and to share.

Despite the masquerade of many layered defence mechanisms all firing off each other, Life and love happen here. How DO we actually MEET and grow in our capacity to be undefended in loving and caring with others who are also
exactly as we are, regardless of surface differences?

The new wine doesn't fit into old bottles - yet the mind tries to control - and sometimes callously and heartlessly, undermining or spoiling the very thing it thinks to 'love' or have. If instead of learning that its attempt is of a fundamental mistake in its own thinking, which can now change - it persists in interpreting itself as sinful and guilty - then it is split into the BEAST! and the Lid.

The 'lid' has to be maintained by sacrificing the BEAST! (in 'the other'), And especially blocking that which would expose the 'lid' as a lid.

The blame 'culture' (sic) becomes like the inquisition. Where anyone can call anyone into the process of Inquisition on even the tiniest or most spurious pretext. The the 'inquisitor' is certain of finding it in you because he/she believes it in himself and must put it on you to hide it - else he/she could not hate it so.
The wisdom and discernment that works to correct rather than take revenge, has to extend from a greater honesty than getting an outcome of merely personal satisfaction. The appeal for fanning and feeding the fires of outrage is a diabolic scam.
There is a way to bring the lie into the light, that is not itself a convoluted contagion of the same lie in different form and it starts with ourselves.
We can only grow the level of responsibility we have by accepting and embodying it. Blame is an entirely different dynamic - for it pretends to be what it is not. Real communication can address the fact without attacking the person. Blame justifies disrupting and denying communication by judging the guilty.
Ye have not, because you ask not, comes to mind. Being honest with our desire means being straight with ourselves and therefore with others. What we desire, we attract into our experience by wanting it.
When shit comes our way, we can either nurture grievance and recycle it or move through it. To move through triggered (de-lidded) fear and guilt is a profound journey because it release the surface compulsions and uncovers the conscious appreciation of a true integrity in life.
And I feel it altogether appropriate for honour to be restored to our sexual relations as part of honouring true communication and relationship as the context of our wellbeing.




@Discerning1 - Yes, when something occurs that doesn't fit our mind's continuity, it gets blanked = has no voice = shouldn't exist.

Social reality is adapted to - and adapts as a sort of mask. We learn to play and think we are solid - and then something happens that jolts us out of our sense of solidity.

It doesn't have to be traumatic. That's another layer that interprets it (in terms of a deeper unconscious script) and yet re-buries as too horrible to face.

I know your sense of not wanting to damage someone's reputation.
It is easy to be outside a moment and come up with what one should have done or not done. But life unfolds us as we are and not as we might fantasize ourselves to be. It is also easy to pretend one is without fault and be the first and the loudest to throw stones at others. But isn't that just another way to stay unconscious?

Events that threaten to undermine our integrity are those by which to awaken by standing in it. Our "No" whether verbal or by leaving the room, is a "Yes" to our being. When a lie meets a true  "No" it has to meet itself without supporting fantasy roles. The feeling of that is also the movement of integrity in the one holding themselves out of true. It's supposed to feel bad! But if we don't wake up to the alarm - then the mind can deliberately work to block the incoming honesty because it feels so bad - and so become addicted to whatever keeps blocking it out.
Which is just running away from the one thing that can truly help.
Sounds a bit like the human race!


@hoff1000 - Do you think it is possible that people in positions of power and trust haven't always fallen prey to this kind of thing - because it can happen both ways cant it? The aspirant can use whatever they can bring to bear to get advancement - which may use sex without actually offering it.

It might seem relatively harmless if its a 'win win' as you put it - but I leave the word 'seem' in there. If what you get is at the cost of your integrity - then you get to be hollow, false. Now not everyone cares about that in the short term because they want something more than they can afford but they're not thinking of payback time.

Those who complained by the way - are giving testimony that I don't know the details of, the context ,or any other evidence from anyone else that bears on the true nature of what occurred.

The thing about NOT communicating accurately about sex - or anything else that stirs the imagination - is that it titillates the imagination and millions start to populate an unfound case with their own fantasies - and react as if they are true!