This is simple; what 'God has joined as one' is beyond the power of man to divide. If two or more uncover or are found in such a trust, such an honouring, such a recognition (as intimated in Jesus' two most important commandments), then with or without the sanction or blessing of human institution, that is the Life that moves in them.
They don't have the right to force truth upon that which is as yet unwilling to receive.
That an egocentric and assertive wilfulness attempts to make the Life in its image, is as true in the seeming lawless (non orthodox) as the seemingly lawful (official reality).
The law that holds unity must be held in people's true hearts but the laws that seek to control are an imposition upon the heart. They are the substitution for the heart's communication and wholeness by a mentality of possession and control.
To focus on the seeming conflict is the serve a deceptive mentality that plays both sides of every conflict. To focus on the true qualities of a unified wholeness - in a wholeheartedness - is to witness to that which is beneath and beyond even our best thinking, as our true Source and Nature.
That which seeks to lord it over Life - be that self or other or world, meets its own nothingness when its seeming power is suddenly gone. That which seeks to serve and hold life in honour is its own reward - and finds Itself in love shared.
Our attempts to make rules for love is an expression of lovelessness, of distrust, of a withholding of communication, and of a wish to cover a sense of personal invalidity with a seeming righteousness.
The laws that arise among us for the ordering of society and conducting of our affairs need to be renewed in our hearts - and to serve the truth of our hearts. In a world that crucifies or denies the heart's light, is also the breaking through of an awareness that is in the world but not of it.
The Christ - message is eternal, but its expression in time is using what is in our mind (and our world) to teach the mind its true source and nature.
To make our identification (invest our heart) in self and mutual definitions, held over and against differences by reaction, is to sleep in the mind that does not know the Life in and by which it lives and moves and has its being.
The quality of real relationship is the saving of the mind from its own illusion. The bridegroom comes when ye thinketh not - and not as your past learnings lead you to expect. The thinking of the world must yield to the Life in which it ignorantly but utterly depends. This is not a matter of time - but of willingness.
The undoing of guilt is the nature of the Light in which salvation is recognized. This cannot be undertaken by a self that is itself a strategy of the hiding of guilt. In every (moment of ) real relationship, trust is extended in place of the disposition and presumption of a separating and private self interest.
To feel denied in our love is a deep sense of disconnection from which a mind of confusion rises. A relationship is also a context in which this confusion rises to the surface awareness to be dissolved. To over control the symptoms is to deny the process of healing. There is always a need for true discernment, to remain free of 'falling asleep' in our concepts - especially if associated with a sense of self righteousness.
True marriage is before God, and in non God vocabulary could be said to be revealed and honoured in many as one. The forms things take do not make them real or unreal. But the witnessing of love is the underlying bedrock of sanity and culture. To seek validation is upside down, in a true love, we extend or share it to others.
The confusion of sex with intimacy is the confusion of form and spirit. Seek to be found in the Spirit or true purpose of life - and the forms will align (will be added). Not to fulfil a rights charter, but to further uncover the true nature of being.
We are (generally) afraid of true intimacy. This honesty would help us see clearer. Until then, confusion is used to hide in.