For the context to which I respond here's the article and comment page in the Daily Bell
On the cooperations that reinforce a negatively defined self:
Likewise ideas of "moral codes" can be subverted to social definitions of accepted behaviours, and guilt employed to coerce deviation to get into line or suffer penalty.
I feel this as a 'reverse engineering' of Life, that usurps or subverts the pure spontaneity of life with self-consciousness, self-doubt, as the development of the divided self that seems to be able to pause life or step outside it in order to experience all kinds of facets within what is actually instant forever - or timeless Infinitude that embraces both specific AND universal polarity within itself.
This self we humanly identify is not both, and... but tends to focus exclusively in the specific and be unconscious of the communion with the Infinite.
Insofar as that quality of connection/communication is held culturally and individually, it has tended to create rules to check and limit and correct the mentality that actively disconnects and yet keep it as it were hidden in the background, because it is associated with power.
This love/hate alloy is the nature of the human consciousness in its separation beliefs and definitions. The structures that we create in consciousness - that model our reality, express this 'house divided' against itself, so much so that the 'human condition' is accepted reality instead of recognizing it as the human conditioning!
The principle aspect of disconnection is a loss - and subsequent fear, of intimacy of being. For disconnection is the seeming power to have private thoughts and hidden mind, and from this seeming power a world arises that is no longer Recognizable in Consciousness - but chaotically conflicted through the filters and distortions of a split mind.
What arises from this is the joining in tacit mutual agreement NOT to join as an intimate connectedness, but to develop the FORMS of joining WITHOUT the actual meeting. The mind is thus structured to keep out that which threatens the order that it dictates and asserts via any available workable strategy that works to defend it. The cooperation of such minds can achieve all kinds of control over the forms and behaviours but none over the underlying reality. Eventually it runs out of ways to present and package itself - and so disintegrates. In the microcycles, this occurs all the time but in the larger periodic cycle of an epoch, it comes to an 'end' that reveals what Is beneath the beginning and Is after the end. This might be seen as a repeat class in the responsibility for self creation or a shift to a new perspective from which to share and appreciate life.
If we are not already invested in being the shift, we will not even see the bus... let alone catch it. However, what you want will determine your outcome, so there is no coercion involved - although it may seem so to the mentality that values coercion as hidden or private leverage over life and self and others.
The impermanence of all things can be used to justify asset stripping as much as you can before you die, as it can be used for an ever new opportunity to extend and share the core value that is our joy to be living. The 'selfishness' of fear rises from a false investment. If that is owned, one can use fear as the messenger that reveals it as something out of true - which can then be seen and undone, rather than blindly suffered.
Because we have such investments we fear to lose, yet no one really lives their joy in the shadow or undercurrent of fear. It is wise to honour our existing belief systems, for while they operate as our support it is foolish to abandon them. But a process of curiosity and discovery uncovers alternate pathways and experiences, and of course this is already going on, naturally.
On condemning selfishness or doing for others:
To reveal selfishness as a deceptive reaction that acts against ones true interests is to join with the sanity hiding beneath the limited presentation. Sometimes a pause invites a greater perspective and we choose from a more connected place.
On the other hand, in the conspiracy of selfishness, anyone who stands in their natural authority will tend to be perceived as 'selfish' because the society redefines its own version of reality and enforces it.
Natural authority doesn't 'lord it' over anyone, nor does it give power to deceits and dead concepts, or stone gods.
I sort of agree with your last sentence - but I express value to hold and have that value by expressing it. So in that sense it is selfish of me and simply offered with no strings for others to resonate with... or not.
if everyone were to grow a culture of being who they enjoy being - and doing and allowing relationships to align and reflect that, then no organising and controlling externality is called upon or required. In practice we cannot stray from our true desire without feeling the loss of joy - and forcing through doesn't force it back. Pretending there is no such thing only covers a hollow place. When we've tried everything that doesn't work... we have got ourselves in place for what does.